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Gender Theory and Random Thoughts:
So I've been thinking (that's never a good sign right?) ... mostly thoughts spawned by the gender breakers meeting last week. Being that I can't turn on the TV or radio without hearing something that restarts my train of thought again (particularly related to MLK Jr. or the election), I thought I might as well post some sort of rambling opinion statement on some of the subjects I've been pondering lately. Also, being that it is at 2:30am and I'm at work, forgive my rampant spelling/grammatical/logic errors.
I cannot help but think of gender as a continuum now. I find it difficult to exist any other way because if I do not acknowledge the essential fluidity of gender, then in a way I negate my own existence. When I came out as transsexual in high school I felt that I was simply not female. I fell into that binary system of thinking, assuming that I had to either be masculine or feminine, male or female. There was a lot of self-hate involved in that. The mismatch between my body and mind caused me to dislike the parts of myself (usually the femininity of my personality and of my body). It took a long time for me to get past that, to feel that I could be okay in my own skin. [Let me, at this point clarify something, if I could choose, male or female body, I would, without second thought pick male. It is the body that I feel is right for me.] I had to learn to love myself again and realize that there are some parts of my personality that can be considered masculine and others that are feminine. I believe it is like that with everyone (gender being fluid, no one person really is masculine or feminine. These are just random categories that we place traits into.) This is why I stepped away from identifying as transsexual, it no longer applied to my definition of self (I needed to reexamine myself to continue to grow as a person). I found more freedom in the word "transgender" and I needed that freedom. (Here I am, speaking in past tense while truthfully: I still need this freedom.) Ah, my love affair with the word transgender. There are a thousand different definitions circulating out there. The one I most commonly use: defying gender, crossing gender lines, barriers and stereotypes. I see transgender as the umbrella term, on that people who identify as genderqueer, transsexual, cross dressers ... etc. can find common ground under.
This is unusual for me. Can you all tell? At some point along this path I just stopped caring. I needed to do that for a while, tune out of the theory, distance myself from it to focus on me. One of my favorite quotes is, "I am who I am." That has stuck with me since I first heard it in high school. Nothing is unusual about distancing myself from a topic, really the unusual part is my direct discussion about it at the moment.
So less about me, more about theory for a bit, although now I've returned to the point where I can no longer distance myself from it. The personal is the political ... and I can't help but be a little bit emotionally involved. Gender is changing, it has changed, and will continue to change. It is part of the many evolutions or revolutions that I seem to occur in society. Gender is not the only area ... sex, religion, race, class, even age and other areas tend to have heightened periods of social awareness, change and growth. [On a side note, I can clearly remember when I finally grasped this concept, I was at whataburger, late at night. I must've sounded delusional, or drugged. I'm certain I was neither.] In these r/evolutionary stages drastic changes to society are more likely to occur. People aren't always ready for it, in fact rarely are most people ready for such wide scale change. Think about the first and second "waves" of feminism, about the civil rights movement, and gay rights. (More on the "wave theory" later).
So where are we now? Gender, I guess. We randomly add certain attributes to the categories of male and female. We assume gender by manner of dress. Let's not play around here, people who defy gender norms are still given lots of shit. Society has not progressed as much as most people like to think it has. Gender and sex are still seen as the same. The binary is the only system. Think about the blank stares that happen when people talk about non-binary systems of gender. (To reference a previous conversation as an example.) Which brings me back to the word transgender and my thoughts on nonbinary people within the trans movement. This part only a few people may understand the conversation/specific figure I'm referencing, but I think that the point is universal: No one person can represent a movement. We can try and say that one person did represent the ideas, beliefs, and actions of a number of groups involved in a movement (such as in the case of the media portrayal of MLK Jr.) but in doing so we are not giving appropriate credit to other people involved in that specific movement. To say that because one person, as a leader, does not conform to all of the ideas of the group they are trying to serve, is to damage the movement as a whole. We are what we are, nothing more, nothing less, and that holds true in this situation. Would you want someone who was forced to lie about themselves for a leadership role to be the one who leads your movement? I'd certainly hope not. So some (not all) transpeople want to tone down the movement a bit. Clear out the genderqueers, the genderfucked, etc. and make it seem a little bit more normal. Newsflash folks: "normal" doesn't exist! (Okay now I need to tone it down a bit, I think I've crossed the line into full blown rant.) The trans movement needs to be inclusive, to not be inclusive would slow progress and create a rift within the movement. (If you don't get what I'm referencing go pick up a US history book. K, thx!)
Something I've been thinking about since speaking to Jessica Valenti: the "wave" theory in feminism. I think it is great to acknowledge the past of feminism, but certain things are looked over and the wave theory helps to create an age divide among feminists today. The racism and homophobia that existed (and still do exist) in feminism are often overlooked. Let's assume there is a certain validity to the wave theory by considering my previous statements on revolution. What is the next step? The next wave? I wonder if the next major step may not be solely centered around reproductive/family planning and other rights that have traditionally been associated with women's rights ... but maybe there will be a greater focus on gender theory. Maybe that's a wave or two away. How fast will society progress? A thought on time: It took nearly 300 years to get interracial marriage legalized in the US, how long will it take for same-sex marriage?
Being that it is nearing 4am, I might as well finish this up and go to bed. I'd love to hear what other people think about this, if only because I love discussing gender theory. So what more can I say? Surely there's tons to add to this dialog, but at this point my mind is too gone to say anything else remotely intelligent. One brief clarification though, because if anyone reads this whole thing the question is bound to come up: I identified as a female-to-male transsexual. I came out in high school. In college I went back into the closet. Good or bad, it just happened. So here I am, about to graduate college, still partially not out, but this isn't necessarily something that I feel the need to shout from the rooftops. It is mentioned here because I feel that I cannot hold an honest conversation about gender without being honest about my own identity. Well, you might ask, what is that gender identity? I prefer the term transgender. Genderqueer is cool too, but I'm not overly fond of the word "queer" I've had it used against me negatively too many times to really feel comfortable with it. Given the option, (say the perfect surgery or something along those lines) I would change my sex (but my gender identity is still not entirely male or female). That really isn't a possibility in this world, so I'm just going to be me, Jess.
So I've been thinking (that's never a good sign right?) ... mostly thoughts spawned by the gender breakers meeting last week. Being that I can't turn on the TV or radio without hearing something that restarts my train of thought again (particularly related to MLK Jr. or the election), I thought I might as well post some sort of rambling opinion statement on some of the subjects I've been pondering lately. Also, being that it is at 2:30am and I'm at work, forgive my rampant spelling/grammatical/logic
I cannot help but think of gender as a continuum now. I find it difficult to exist any other way because if I do not acknowledge the essential fluidity of gender, then in a way I negate my own existence. When I came out as transsexual in high school I felt that I was simply not female. I fell into that binary system of thinking, assuming that I had to either be masculine or feminine, male or female. There was a lot of self-hate involved in that. The mismatch between my body and mind caused me to dislike the parts of myself (usually the femininity of my personality and of my body). It took a long time for me to get past that, to feel that I could be okay in my own skin. [Let me, at this point clarify something, if I could choose, male or female body, I would, without second thought pick male. It is the body that I feel is right for me.] I had to learn to love myself again and realize that there are some parts of my personality that can be considered masculine and others that are feminine. I believe it is like that with everyone (gender being fluid, no one person really is masculine or feminine. These are just random categories that we place traits into.) This is why I stepped away from identifying as transsexual, it no longer applied to my definition of self (I needed to reexamine myself to continue to grow as a person). I found more freedom in the word "transgender" and I needed that freedom. (Here I am, speaking in past tense while truthfully: I still need this freedom.) Ah, my love affair with the word transgender. There are a thousand different definitions circulating out there. The one I most commonly use: defying gender, crossing gender lines, barriers and stereotypes. I see transgender as the umbrella term, on that people who identify as genderqueer, transsexual, cross dressers ... etc. can find common ground under.
This is unusual for me. Can you all tell? At some point along this path I just stopped caring. I needed to do that for a while, tune out of the theory, distance myself from it to focus on me. One of my favorite quotes is, "I am who I am." That has stuck with me since I first heard it in high school. Nothing is unusual about distancing myself from a topic, really the unusual part is my direct discussion about it at the moment.
So less about me, more about theory for a bit, although now I've returned to the point where I can no longer distance myself from it. The personal is the political ... and I can't help but be a little bit emotionally involved. Gender is changing, it has changed, and will continue to change. It is part of the many evolutions or revolutions that I seem to occur in society. Gender is not the only area ... sex, religion, race, class, even age and other areas tend to have heightened periods of social awareness, change and growth. [On a side note, I can clearly remember when I finally grasped this concept, I was at whataburger, late at night. I must've sounded delusional, or drugged. I'm certain I was neither.] In these r/evolutionary stages drastic changes to society are more likely to occur. People aren't always ready for it, in fact rarely are most people ready for such wide scale change. Think about the first and second "waves" of feminism, about the civil rights movement, and gay rights. (More on the "wave theory" later).
So where are we now? Gender, I guess. We randomly add certain attributes to the categories of male and female. We assume gender by manner of dress. Let's not play around here, people who defy gender norms are still given lots of shit. Society has not progressed as much as most people like to think it has. Gender and sex are still seen as the same. The binary is the only system. Think about the blank stares that happen when people talk about non-binary systems of gender. (To reference a previous conversation as an example.) Which brings me back to the word transgender and my thoughts on nonbinary people within the trans movement. This part only a few people may understand the conversation/specific figure I'm referencing, but I think that the point is universal: No one person can represent a movement. We can try and say that one person did represent the ideas, beliefs, and actions of a number of groups involved in a movement (such as in the case of the media portrayal of MLK Jr.) but in doing so we are not giving appropriate credit to other people involved in that specific movement. To say that because one person, as a leader, does not conform to all of the ideas of the group they are trying to serve, is to damage the movement as a whole. We are what we are, nothing more, nothing less, and that holds true in this situation. Would you want someone who was forced to lie about themselves for a leadership role to be the one who leads your movement? I'd certainly hope not. So some (not all) transpeople want to tone down the movement a bit. Clear out the genderqueers, the genderfucked, etc. and make it seem a little bit more normal. Newsflash folks: "normal" doesn't exist! (Okay now I need to tone it down a bit, I think I've crossed the line into full blown rant.) The trans movement needs to be inclusive, to not be inclusive would slow progress and create a rift within the movement. (If you don't get what I'm referencing go pick up a US history book. K, thx!)
Something I've been thinking about since speaking to Jessica Valenti: the "wave" theory in feminism. I think it is great to acknowledge the past of feminism, but certain things are looked over and the wave theory helps to create an age divide among feminists today. The racism and homophobia that existed (and still do exist) in feminism are often overlooked. Let's assume there is a certain validity to the wave theory by considering my previous statements on revolution. What is the next step? The next wave? I wonder if the next major step may not be solely centered around reproductive/family planning and other rights that have traditionally been associated with women's rights ... but maybe there will be a greater focus on gender theory. Maybe that's a wave or two away. How fast will society progress? A thought on time: It took nearly 300 years to get interracial marriage legalized in the US, how long will it take for same-sex marriage?
Being that it is nearing 4am, I might as well finish this up and go to bed. I'd love to hear what other people think about this, if only because I love discussing gender theory. So what more can I say? Surely there's tons to add to this dialog, but at this point my mind is too gone to say anything else remotely intelligent. One brief clarification though, because if anyone reads this whole thing the question is bound to come up: I identified as a female-to-male transsexual. I came out in high school. In college I went back into the closet. Good or bad, it just happened. So here I am, about to graduate college, still partially not out, but this isn't necessarily something that I feel the need to shout from the rooftops. It is mentioned here because I feel that I cannot hold an honest conversation about gender without being honest about my own identity. Well, you might ask, what is that gender identity? I prefer the term transgender. Genderqueer is cool too, but I'm not overly fond of the word "queer" I've had it used against me negatively too many times to really feel comfortable with it. Given the option, (say the perfect surgery or something along those lines) I would change my sex (but my gender identity is still not entirely male or female). That really isn't a possibility in this world, so I'm just going to be me, Jess.
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