Identity (Draft 3.14159...)

I've been thinking about the same topic for weeks now. I keep finding new things to add, so I figure that posting this now before it gets too long is a good idea. I've decided to split this up into a few topics. Self identity, group identity, stereotypes/categories, and identity politics (to be continued in a later post).

What is identity? Who has the right to define it? Can someone be in denial of their own identity? What about rejection of identity and group identity? What about multiple and intersecting group identities?

For the purposes of this post I'm going to define identity as two separate but related issues. First, there is the identity that refers to a sense of self (self-identity). Your own mental self-image, the mental mirror of sorts. Second there is the identity based on group associations, the shared attributes that link people (group-identity). Basically, the categories we use as tools to define ourselves and others. We may not like these categories, but they do exist as useful tools.

Self-Identification and Group Identification

Two topics of self identification come to mind when I think of this. Some people say that gender is hard wired, that it can't be changed. Others say that one's concept of their own gender identity can change over time, that it can be fluid. If we are to believe that people can grow and change as individuals then why are we so rigidly stuck in this system? That being said, is changing one's gender identity a choice? I think the answer isn't so clear. I think that some aspects of gender can be hard-wired, such as behaviors learned in early childhood, but I also think that people can change if there is enough desire to. I used to think that life was a process of self-discovery, finding the person you already are and learning more about that person. Now, I think that we are in a process of creating ourselves, nothing is truly predetermined. So on the issue of gender, perhaps it really is just a combination of hard wiring and social conditioning. (Although I really don't want to go into this whole nature vs. nurture debate. I lean toward the "it's a combination of many different influences" side of things.)

The second example that pops up is the issue of belief systems. Particularly in the realm of changing religions. Like gender, this is often a crucial aspect to self-definition. As someone who has never clearly identified with a religion this is a difficult topic for me. Which is why I'm relating it more to belief systems, not just organized religion. There have been a number of times in my life where I've changed how I think about things, my moral system, and what I actually believe in. These have been gradual transitions, changing with me as I grew as a person. With most aspects of my life I haven't had those sudden moments realization. (The one major exception was when one day I decided to stop eating meat. Which lasted on/off for about 6 years or so.)

These two issues bring up some of the same questions. Does the original identification still manage to play a role later on? In my psychology of women class that I was in about a year ago, we discussed something similar to this topic. A rebellious teenager doesn't want to be like their parents so they do everything possible to be different. Even though they are different, this new self is based of what the parents were in some way. Just like a person who changes their belief system may still can use the previous lens/perspective. (The opposite of this is the desire to belong, coming from admiration of the parents and a desire to be like them.)

How is identity formed? Well, we've touched on this topic a number of times already. I feel that self-identity (in most mentally healthy people) is something that grows and changes with them. As society changes, people can change too. In our world of increasing globalization, these identities are beginning to mix. Especially with the issue of group identities.

As previously stated, group identities are changing. Things are mixing and many people identify with many groups. Someone who belongs to two different groups may be pulled one way or the other. This makes me think of light-skinned African-American models who for a long time have been picked because the lightness of their skin. Does the desire to belong to certain groups effect the self-identification of people who are in the middle? What about people that define their sexual orientation as bisexual? It seems like a similar situation. The pressure to clearly fit into one group or another has the potential to change or erode one's self image.

Can we be in denial of our own identities. Maybe, but I think that it may just be part of the path to realizing who we want to be. Sometimes we may not choose to outwardly acknowledge that which we may already know, but other times we may just not want to admit it. This is a process that can be painful for others to watch, but it is a necessary process. (And the recent inspiration for this post since I have a few friends going through their friends identity issues right now. It always complicates relationships.) I think it is generally unfair to say that someone is in denial about their own identity. Who are we to say what that other person is? I guess I'm just a huge fan of self-definition here. I think we should have the right to say which groups we feel we belong to, or state who we are as individuals, abstract an undefinable by categories and groups association.


Group Identities As Defined By Others

Then there are the groups we don't know we belong to. The one's that other people create and assume we belong to because we fit the basic criteria. For the past week I've been searching for a way to flesh of this topic.
A few days ago I came across "lifestyle groups" at my new job. Many stores have some sort of customer profiling, but the extent of this sickens me. First, an age based category is defined. Then within that category, say 20-35, it is divided by sex. Let me repeat that: Immediately these groups, supposedly used to define customers personalities, wants, and needs, are broken down based on the assumed gender identity of the customer. For this age range and gender, let's say "male 20-35" different types of customer personalities are created. The fun loving guy, the social guy, the responsible guy. Ways to sell to them are suggested. It is also interesting to note that this company specifies subcategories for the young men, but not for the young women. They only get one category: self-absorbed. Of course, the creators of these groups are quick to say that every customer is different and that as sales people we should understand that not all people fit into these categories. Does that make it right to have that little disclaimer after the stereotype system is taught? No. In fact, as an employee I'm supposed to know this system backwards and forwards. All of this from a supposedly inclusive and diverse company. (And for my little disclaimer: other than this issue, my feet hurting, and them scheduling me for seven hours when you get a lunch break only after working seven and a half hours... I do like the job. I'm also thrilled to be working for a company that includes gender identity in its nondiscrimination policy. =)

So when does this go too far? How can we tell if the preconceived notions, these stereotypes are affecting our thoughts and actions? I think that there is no sure way to tell. There is no way to determine if a person feels judged based on our actions, especially on such a large scale.

Personally, I'm tired of the groups, the stereotypes, the categories. If we didn't have these specific either/or things weighing over our heads, we would be a freer and more accepting society. Especially of the people who fit into the gray areas between categories. There is pressure to know who and what you are, and to know it right now. (No gray area for you!) To openly question your identity or choose to not define yourself can bring attacks from all directions, including friends and family. Why can't we let ourselves exist in that gray area as long as it is needed?

In my frustration I can understand the purpose behind groups/stereotypes and their place in human communication. It makes things easier to say I have this in common with you or I don't. It is all just true and false answers, black and white, a series of 1s and 0s. My first honors class in college was called Understanding Prejudice and Discrimination, Not Just Black and White. It made me realize all the different stereotypes out there and how prejudice comes into existence. Now though, the name takes on new meaning for me. Life is not black and white and we need to stop treating it like it is. Even the categories used to define the gray areas a exclusive, not inclusive. Bisexuality, for example, does not include transgender people, only men and women. This is why I prefer the term pansexual, it is significantly more inclusive. Life is thousands of different hues and shades. Not every color has a name, some are defined by composition alone.