Gender Roles and Assumptions

People see me and assume quite a few things. They see someone that appears to be female dating someone that appears to be male. They assume heterosexuality on both parts. They assume gender and sex based on appearances. But appearances don't give the entire story. I've spoken on my identity before, so I won't dwell on it too much right now. And because of what is assumed, I get certain privileges. For example, when I am at work occasionally other (male) employees will help me get product off the top shelves. To step in and say no thanks would be taken with an odd glance, at the very least. People hold open doors for me. They call me miss and mam, and respond well when I use like terms. When I use that saccharine voice I picked up doing retail sales in the South, they respond unbelievably well. When I act like me, remaining polite and casual, I tend to get overlooked.

White heterosexual female privilege. (Plus a ton of other things that I could mention. ex. American citizenship) The female part is contingent on the situation, heterosexual too. (For example, a straight couple in a queer hangout gets a ton of odd looks. Don't deny it, it happens, not all the time, but it does happen.) This all brings me back to the aforementioned issue of identity in bisexual people. People who may appear to fall in one category are treated a certain way, while they may in fact identify as something entirely different. The bisexual person dating someone of the opposite gender is assumed to be heterosexual, and for the same gender, homosexual.

Why don't we ask questions before making assumptions? In the time that I've consciously tried to stop making assumptions I've found dealing with people to be much easier. Another side effect was that I stopped caring. I don't care about your sexual orientation or your gender identity unless you want me to care. And even then I'll care out of friendship, not out of curiosity or a need to define you.

That being said, I think it is necessary to acknowledge the privileges we experience, even if we don't often notice the benefits from them. It makes me think of the "privilege walk" activity. Everyone lines up evenly. A list of attributes are read, for example "Take a step forward if you graduated from college" or "Take a step backward if you identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual". It was always interesting to see where the other people end up, and what I stepped forward or backwards for. I think everyone should do that activity at least once in their lives. That's what I should do: travel the country doing diversity retreats and education... =) Now if only I could find a degree that leads directly to that instead of all these winding roads and twisted paths I'm currently looking at.